Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A breath of fresh air

You know those times when you are sick and you know that if you just throw up that you will start feeling a little better, but who wants to throw up right?  I think its the same type of thing when your having a bad day/week/month... whatever you want to call it.  That if you just brake down and cry then you will start to feel just a little better, but then you get the burning eyes, running make up etc... am I right? Or maybe its just me... either way.  Let me fill you in a little bit so you know what I am taking about.  I am not big on complaining about things in my life... I try to keep it in and just deal with the things myself- its easier for me that way.  But ever since  I married Matt I have been learning how to share my feelings a little more.  He know when something is wrong, when I want to talk but can't, or when just a simple hug will do.  He is the best husband anyone could ask for.
 I have been sooo stressed lately.  Ever since I started Nanning I have NO time, I seriously work from 8-7 most days and have no time to do anything else because when I get home we eat dinner (mostly cold cereal unless Matt got home early enough to make something) and then we get ready for bed because we both had to wake up early.  Our house was falling apart, we had no clean clothes, food, social life.. nothing.  I  give all my props to all the working moms, and non working that somehow can keep it all together.
I have been really scared with the weather changing and having to drive down to Ucon everyday in the bad weather.  That is one of my biggest fears (yet another thing I love about Matt so much he knows how to drive in all kinds of situations, and doesn't mind doing it so I can sleep or distract myself so I don't get so nervous while driving in storms) I know that I have the "safer" car but even if you feel safe, you don't know about the people around you.  
I get to be in the PPE practicum classes this next semester, and that is going to take up most my time.  I wan to graduate with school as soon as I can, stop putting it off and just finish!  But like I said earlier I have no time to figure out the classes I need or go in and talk to the advisers to figure out what is best for me, because I get back after the offices have closed for the day.  
Lastly, I am really stressed about money.  Matt works SO hard to help provide for our family, he is not worried about our financial situation, but with the holidays coming and things I am.  That's why I was trying to go to work so that I can pitch in so we can have some fun spending money... hahah that would be nice right?!
Okay so now let me really get to the point, this blog post is not all about my venting I promise.  The little girl I nannie for is to put it nicely SPOILED! I am serious I have never seen a kid with so many toys before in their lives, and even though she has a little sister she still thinks they are all hers and she is not going to share them.  So basically she gets what she wants or she screams and yells... I was  not raised that way so our opinions were a little opposite.  So basically I was having to deal with a screaming child every day, one that would slap, hit, pushover her little sister until she got what she wanted, but her mom kept telling me that she is this perfect child... right.   Well we came to an agreement that things were not working out so much,  which was said because the baby loved me (no joke she chose me over her mom) and the parents were really cool.  But the 3 year old on the other hand... hahah well shes 3 what do you expect right?  So long story short I am back on the job hunt.  I was scared to not have the income help anymore but then again we are saving a bunch of money not having to fill up the gas tank every week.  So there are pros and cons...
Last night when Matt got home we had some friends over, he motioned me in to our room and just gave me the hug that I needed.  He didn't say much but asked me if I was okay, and that's all that had to be said.   It sounds a little silly but just something about that hug made it all seem okay. 
So back to what I was saying earlier about the throwing up/crying thing.  I have recently been hooked on Army Wives, so I turned on an episode and it just happened to be one of the saddest ones yet... so what did I do?  Balled like a little baby, seriously if anyone was to walk in we most likely would start laughing our heads off...  so just like feeling better after you throw up, I am now refreshed and ready to get out of my PJS, actually get some house work done, for the first time in a long time, go to the store, prepare my talk for Sunday and move on with life.  I read on my sisters page today that she is thankful that Heavenly Father gives tears as an outlet, what a blessing that is!  So thank you for all of the love and support, and for reading this long complaining post...but mostly I think I just wrote it for me so I could get everything all out in the open instead of keeping it bundled up.  Thank goodness for blogs! :) 

1 comment:

  1. Wow!! What a crazy crazy crazy crazy time you've had in the last month. I wish I would've known, I would have made dinner for you guys or something. Love you Brielle! I'm glad that that stress is out of your life (even if it puts you back on the street huntin for jobs).